Knowing what we truly want is perhaps the most important question in our lives.
And yet we are often too busy to ask…
But if we don’t explore and really commit our desires, it’s unlikely that we’ll get them. And all that creative energy then stays locked in our bodies, creating drama, illness and blocks us from flowing with life.
Our desires are the key to our life purpose – we need to explore them, hone them and commit to them in order to feel happy, joyful, fulfilled, confident and at peace.
It’s my experience that we also need support in exploring our true desires which is why I offer these workshops – safe supportive place to:
– dissolve the conditioning that we cannot have what we want
– explore what it is that we do truly want
– anchor our desires so we don’t sideline them
– experience nourishment, supported fun
This is a small group held at my home in central Totnes. If you are interested do book soon because it’s likely to fill up.
A video on youtube about why it’s so hard for women to focus on our desires… but essential if we want to live our life purpose, have meaning in our lives and feel joyful and fulfilled.
An extended version of the article in this month’s Reconnect Magazine:
Knowing what we truly want is one of the most important issues that we all have to face in our lives. And yet, often we just don’t get round to it.
Christianity hasn’t helped. It’s not exactly renowned for promoting desire, of any kind. You might think this is irrelevant if you’re not religious, but If you grew up in a largely Christian culture this perspective will have seeped into your consciousness.
New age thinking then exacerbates the situation, telling us we have to let go of our desires. Sure there is a place for letting go of attachment what we want… but only after we have explored and identified our desires, committed to them and taken action towards them. Only then is it appropriate to let go…
This teaching to let go of our desires is an extremely unhelpful simplification, leaving us with the sense that there is no point even asking ourselves what we want because we’re supposed to let go of it anyway.
For women the situation is even more challenging. For generations we’ve been brainwashed into prioritising what other people want – our partners, our children, anyone really… except ourselves. And if we do put our own desires first, we may be labelled as selfish (or indeed label ourselves that way).
On top of this is the truly depressing conditioning that as women we have fundamentally less value than our male counterparts, and we don’t actually deserve to get what we want.
Of course you may not buy into any of these beliefs. But invariably they will still have you in their grip to some extent, because this is what people believed for generations, and the conditioning gets passed down, in invisible ways, from mother to daughter. It is these unconscious beliefs that cause us to hit brick walls, repeat self-defeating patterns and generally sabotage ourselves.
It also means that we are simply not in the habit of asking ourselves what we truly want… what we yearn for… what is our heart’s desire. Or even how we want to relax or have fun.
No one can do this for us. No one else can tease out our true desires. Indeed our families and colleagues are often used to us focusing on what they want, and quite like it that way.
So it’s really up to us to look inside and to ask ourselves what we truly want.
Of course, it’s scary. If you’re not used to asking yourself such questions it can feel like an anathema. What if you don’t come up with anything you truly desire? Or supposing what emerges means you’ll have to make seismic changes in your life and upset others?
And yet, if we do not explore our true desires the price we pay is colossal.
We may end up setting goals that we are not truly passionate about, and so never actually achieve them. We may end up never setting any goals at all
We may end up feeling grouchy and dissatisfied. After all, our desires are the key to our life purpose, and so if we keep failing to follow them our lives will feel increasingly empty and meaningless. That’s when we start using chocolate, box sets and other addictions to compensate from never getting what we truly want.
Worst of all, by not following our desires we end up feeling disconnected from ourselves – and therefore from others – and become resentful of people who do dare to follow their dreams.
Plus, if we are not taking steps to fulfill our longings, all that unexpressed energy remains trapped inside our bodies, leading to endless drama, depression and ill health.
We are women. We are intrinsically creative. And that creative energy needs to flow.
It doesn’t have to be in painting or singing, or any other of the mainstream arts.It just has to be what you want.
Often what emerges is surprising. Doing this enquiry work myself recently, I discovered that I need to write – it turns out that I have a lot to say! Which is why I am now writing this column.
It isn’t just a one-off thing either. We need to keep refining our desires on a regular basis – what do you really really want?
I also find that this kind of exploration is a much deeper process if it is witnessed. I have done plenty of enquiry work on my own, but I didn’t truly get that I have a need to express myself publicly until I shared this with someone else.
At this particular time it is crucial that women identify and follow our desires. You could argue – and I would – that the reason the world is so out of whack is that women have been oppressed for millennia, and prevented from following our true callings.
We absolutely must follow our desires in order to achieve happiness, vitality, health, abundance, power and joy. But we need to follow our designers just as much for the sake of the planet and all humanity.
Our desires matter.
 Tickets for October 20:
Bring lunch or pick up something in town
Feel free to post any questions here or send me a private message. You can also call me on 01803 862628